Sport Statistician Gifts

Pitching guidelines

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

The Life of Pi

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Cricket Accidents.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

The Other Cooperstown

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

John Venn Speaks...' Just don't include me in an of those diagrams, if you don't mind.'

Granny with balanced pie chart

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'