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'And, Johnny, one last question, where did they ever come up with a bizarre nickname like 'Johnny Football' for you?'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Political convention

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kenny Dalglish

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

Novak Djokovic

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

No Baseball

The Other Cooperstown

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'