Spoiler-sensitive Soul Gifts

"...I will save you ninnies hudreds of dollars by spoiling every single upcoming superhero movie..."

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

"Spoiler alert."

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

The Sensitive Dude.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"For goodness sake, stop this daily whining! She's just gone to work, she'll be back tonight! Get a grip!"

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"So if you don't want to know the World Cup results look away now until July 16th."

'Be sure to eat every bite — the chef is a very sensitive guy.'

'It's so beautiful, yet fragile. Safe, yet vulnerable. More precious than any star in the heavens.'

"Did I miss something?"

Spoiler Alert

I think this is the episode of "Leave It to Beaver" where Wally and Eddie chain Lumpy's car to a tree. Couldn

"Guess who expires next..."

'I choose not to read Revelations, too many spoilers.'

I witnessed something I can never unsee. What happened, little buddy? Some guy walking out of the "Star Wars" premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show. A bunch of fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him. I don't think I can ever unsee five Ewoks and a slave Leia beating a Wookie senseless with plastic light sabers. The Wookie had it coming.

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"It's a great film. It's quite sad though, they all die in the end!"

"I had no choice...The idiot was trying to tell me spoilers about the season finale of my favourite soap opera."

Words do hurt.

'I wish you'd stop recounting boyhood stories with the phrase, 'Back when I was your height'.'

'I hope you'll dump me... I want to start writing poetry.'

"Oh no, have you heard about Prince Philip?"

"I told you not to tell me how it ends!"

"Spoiler alert!"

SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.

"Do you want this with or without spoiler alerts?"

"Spoiler alert!"

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