Spiteful Strategist T-Shirts

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

"Cutting off the nose to spite the face."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

Under new blame.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Coronavirus Windmills

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'