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"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

"You can offer a pledge, but not IOU's."

'Inflation hits Saint Thomas's'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Please Give

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

Church of divine healing - Emergency Room.

Sea of Galilee - Please Do Not Walk On The Water.

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

Rescuing the NHS for Christmas

Beggars on the street.

Angel ties a blindfold on a jet

"The bloke buying you all the pints? That's Charlie, the local taxi driver..."

Zen and the Art of Skiing

'Ah - Mr. Figgs - you used to work for that bank - anything for the church fete?'

Trans Rights are Human Rights

Inside the Huddle

"I think the vicar's taking things too far."

"Artie, you would not believe what’s going on down there."

"Surprise!"

"Pack me a lunch Mom, I'm off to the mission field."

'I have come to say we love you all and want you all to succeed. Wait! . . . Wrong locker room. My bad.'

"Nice reading glasses."

'Your baptism will bring you closer to God!'

'We really should talk about how time constraints preclude applying the skills we were taught, to deal with spiritual distress, but I have to run.'

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

"Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks, or you don't ."

Lots of collections at a church service

'It seems 'Blue Eyes' of Bolton has married a real brute and she's now 'Black Eyes' of Liverpool!'