Spiritual Seeker Lost In Leisure Gifts

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Golfing Boss

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

Astral Projection

"Needs to get a life"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

Tiny Visions

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

Zenemies.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"