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"Line one, the youth group calling from up the creek without a paddle...line two, Mrs. Kavanaugh calling from down in the dumps...line three, Virgil Larrison calling from death's door..."

Audio Books

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

Cares and woes.

Shell Pods

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'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

Attention Span Man

"Officer, I'd like to report... a sexual assault. I was at a part, this guy... he attacked me."

"Boy, the Reverend sure has your number."

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'I'm going to put you in touch with reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'She saw right through me.'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Thomas Aquinas

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

'OK, nod a little slower this time. Then let's work on saying 'mm-hmm, go on' ...you try it.'

'Yes, puberty did put me through a lot of stress. . . but it was my daughters puberty.'

Oh, like you've never had a rap song stuck in your head.

I'm tired of blessings in disguise--if it's al the same to you, I want one I can recognize immediately!

4th of July and PTSD

"...But rock bottom is my comfort zone!"

Deflate counselling service

"I think you may need to start seeing me twice a week for a while."

My Mother Is Dead But Her Body Is Still Alive

You're on, caller. What's your problem? My baby won't stop crying. How do I get her to stop? What do you mean, "get her to stop"? Your baby's a human being and she already has things she wants to tell you. Crying is the only language she knows. Just hold her, tell her "I hear you" ... ... AND GROW A THICKER SKIN! BABY TEARS AREN'T LITTLE GRENADES, LOSER! I wish she'd just text me like everyone else.

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

"She no longer laughs at my joke."

' I bet you here this kind of thing all the time. '

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."