Spinoff Enthusiast Gifts

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Victor Hugo

Thomas Mann.

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Television Readers.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Iris Murdoch

"They've agreed to the merger, the sticking point is who is swallowing who?"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

My Literary Influences

Storm in a magic lamp.

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

Editor.

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

'Is this your first book launch?'

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block