Spending More Time With Family Pillows

"Remember, my cover story is that I'm leaving politics to spend time with you."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Haircuts

"She's been so creative lately."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

'She's just great with the children.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

'Heavy seas tonight, Mom...'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

Office pics on dinner table.