Speechwriting Sage Pillows

'You need to say more about the war than just 'oops'.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Ban on Free Speech

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Lady of the bath...

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"It's time to get politics out of money."

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

The Paper Route

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Speech

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"