Speech Writer Admirer Gifts

Remember, Cromwell, it's not the actual number of new jobs created that counts. It's the number of new job announcements.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Inclusive speech

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

What's normal?

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

Changing Minds

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

MLK

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'