Speech Strategists Pillows

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

Dialogue

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

Twitter censorship

"A haand gel...!?"

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

Monk Prompt

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'