Speech-giving Aficionado T-Shirts

"I'm speaking with you this evening without the benefit of speech-writers or teleprompters. Thank you and good night."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Inclusive speech

What's normal?

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Changing Minds

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

Mark Anthony on Zoom.

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'