Spectacle Style Seeker Gifts

'Having trouble getting used to your new bi-focals'

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

'And with every new pair of glasses you get a cool pair of 3D glasses for free'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

Mr. Punch's Fancy Ball

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

"Which of these will look the prettiest without the others?"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Pampered and poodled.

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"I don't like your application."

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"Do you do much walking?"

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'I'll take it!'

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

Changing Room Decisions

Elegant woman in backless dress.

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

"Of course, lots of women are just going bare-headed."