Sparrow Lover Pillows

"I don't know why I put weight on, I hardly eat enough to keep a sparrow alive."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

The Snarky District

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Do you have to play air guitar every time we sing?

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

Cupcake Excitement Scale

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

Why giraffes hate winter

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'You know darn well 'Aaargh' isn't a real word!'

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

Finance piracy

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

Spider Press-Ups

"You're overprotective. Stop telling her not to go out on a limb."

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

'You're a smooth talker, Alphonse, but around here that's not enough.'

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

I like a manager who asks questions.

"Don't repeat this."

'You'll grow into it!'

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

Arrow Church