Sparrow Lover Pillows

"I don't know why I put weight on, I hardly eat enough to keep a sparrow alive."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

The Snarky District

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Cupcake Excitement Scale

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

Why giraffes hate winter

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'You know darn well 'Aaargh' isn't a real word!'

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"You're overprotective. Stop telling her not to go out on a limb."

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

Finance piracy

'You're a smooth talker, Alphonse, but around here that's not enough.'

"Don't repeat this."

I like a manager who asks questions.

'You'll grow into it!'

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

Arrow Church