Spare Strategist Gifts

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

'I hate evolution!'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Bowling ball head.

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

The trap

"...But if you'd led back a heart instead of that spade..."

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'Now that we all agree on the agenda, a show of hands on how many want to keep it hidden.'

"I'm afraid there will be more cuts."

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

'Governor game change and his replacement debate moderators...'

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"To save money, all you need to do is pack all those clothes into this suitcase. Be sure to leave room for my shoes."

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

"Good thing I listened to you and implemented the new strategy."

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."