Soundbite Specialist Pillows

"Now tell me about yourself in a ten second sound bite."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

'Why don't you ever look at ME that way?'

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

'What luck! A sound technician.'

Subwoofer

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

Man chasing microphone.

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

Vladimir Putin 101: Saying the Opposite of What You Mean

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

Gettysburg Address, "Now can we have it as a sound bite ?"

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

"Good morning - your neighbours have asked me to come and tune your piano."

'This beauty will give you that British sound. It will convert your nasal twang into proper Queen's English.

Communication

'Six disc CD changer, six hundred watt multi-amp, 800 watt sub, I tell you man this monster rocks!!'

'Here is your new stereo. It's got a SupaDeep Woofer System, with it's high octane surround sound, I'm sure it will fit smoothly into your life. But for God's sake; don't turn it on.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound audio technician.'

'Didn't I tell you to take up some hobby other than opera?'

'How humiliating! I got shot down by my own talking points!'

'Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

"You're dragging the beat."

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Sorry guys! But i'm afraid we're going to have to shoot this segment again. The darn tape just ran out!'

'Whom should I call first? 911 or the audio technician?'

Rational explanations

Ear specialist uses sign to communicate with hearing impaired patient.