Soulful Satirist T-Shirts

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'Even More Disciples'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'