Soul-searching Expert Pillows

"I see you're enjoying our reflecting pool, General."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Home depot."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You must heal yourself.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I haven't felt that overwhelming urge to create, but then again I haven't felt much of anything lately."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

The Path

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Did you have a cat?"

"All the celebrities come here."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"