Sophisticated Swine Seeker T-Shirts

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"I finally caught you... now what?"

''Animal Farm' by George Orwell is definitely my favourite book...'

Pigs form huddles before taking up starting positions

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"It's been one of those days. I don't know if I’ve been chasing my tail or it's been chasing me."

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

Swine flu

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

"The school district is great and I love the layout - I'm just not sure the mud is gooey enough."

Although rejected by his peers, Slim continued to escape slaughter through diet and exercise.

Here's Waldo

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

"I told him he's going to regret it, but what can I do? He's eighteen now."

"We got that nasty appendix out Mr. Arnold and I hope you don't mind, but we took a couple of spare ribs as well.

'We want to give him the best possible life before we slaughter him.'

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill? I'd like to publish a case report on this one?"

'She hates to see me happy.'

'Rats, even this flying carpet we bought on the internet doesn't work! We're really not meant to fly...'

'Don't worry about it - childhood obesity doesn't apply to us'

"Sure Dad, pigs can't fly, but to be precise, can't fly unaided! There are always planes, helicopters, gliders and hot air balloons to consider..."

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

'Hang on, the analysis of the Audiospectrograph of that call indicates it's a decoy...'

Hedgehog reading Spine Chilling Tales

A Hunter on a Mechanical Horse.

'We have to put up with a fair bit to find these truffles, but we think they're worth it.'

Low Carb Slop

The tentative professor in Ireland - Marjorie is stumped by the variety of shillelagh

Alternate corkscrew

"He's so posh...!"

'This ain't Glastonbury, mate! Piss off!'

Pig to lady: 'I'm an expert at messy divorces.'

My annual treecation: A week away from work, sitting beneath a tree with a twist. My gadgets have run low on power, my mini portable generator has died. So not it's just me and you, tree. Just the two of us. True escape from the world. The boredom is destroying my soul. He won't last half-minute.