Sophisticated Soiree Lover T-Shirts

'That's the colour of my new outfit - wine-red and beige.'

Sloaney Pony.

"You do like octopus?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

"Joel! Killer crust!"

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

How to make an unforgettable dinner for four

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

I don't do wishbones. I do just-make-it-happen bones.

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"I've deregulated Arthur, but he still doesn't run very efficiently."

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

Looking tasty

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

"We'd invite you to our place in the country but we're having it torched."

"Edwin says Cole Porter is overrated."

"There's something you haven't told me."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

That night, Neil Thomas declared himself the poet laureate of 1973 Sheffield Lane.

"They're boulettes de viande. They're meatballs. They're balls of meat."

My candlelight dinner with Andre.

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

"I'll have the table scraps."

"Thanks for a lovely evening, fancy coming in for some nitrous oxide?"