Sophisticated Soiree Lover T-Shirts

'That's the colour of my new outfit - wine-red and beige.'

Sloaney Pony.

"You do like octopus?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

"Joel! Killer crust!"

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

How to make an unforgettable dinner for four

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

"I've deregulated Arthur, but he still doesn't run very efficiently."

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

Looking tasty

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"We'd invite you to our place in the country but we're having it torched."

"There's something you haven't told me."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"They're boulettes de viande. They're meatballs. They're balls of meat."

That night, Neil Thomas declared himself the poet laureate of 1973 Sheffield Lane.

My candlelight dinner with Andre.

"I'll have the table scraps."

'Care to form a splinter group?'

"Right guys, who's got room for dessert?'

"Thanks for a lovely evening, fancy coming in for some nitrous oxide?"