Somnologist Gifts

"We start your sleep apnea training tonight. Are you familiar with Pavlov's dog?"

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Smartphone Sonogram

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

Center For Sleep Deprivation

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

'zzz sleep.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"Congratulations, it looks like half a dozen."

Doctor with Teddy - "Take this. It will help you sleep."

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

"I slept funny!"

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

"Gesundheit."

"The ultrasound showed it wasn't a pearl, but I am pregnant."

'These hibernation pills ought to do the trick.'

"I wore a wire last night to prove you really snore!"

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

'I'm being tested for sleep apnoea this winter: Better go, see you in spring...'

'How can you sleep at night?'

'I think I'm having an out-of-body experience.'

Sleep Disorder Research.

'A cure for insomnia is a good night's sleep.'

"@BabyEthan just endorsed you for the skill: Obstetric Sonography."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

'Sounds to me like you're not getting enough REM sleep.'