Sofa Critic Pillows

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

Coming back

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

The sofa freshly made up...

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Emotional Baggage Handler

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

Marriage counselor: 'I say he's a couch po-tah-toe, and he says, couch po-taa-toe!'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

'Here, you're allowed to sharpen your claws to your heart's content!'

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."