Social Skill Dodger Pillows

"Most people see mobile phones as a great way of talking to people wherever they are."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

'Now that we've evolved, we should work on our people skills.'

"Are you talking to me?"

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"No, you're not getting too old for school."

"Ms. Sims and I have known each other for quite some time, but it turns out we aren't on a first-name basis."

"This is crazy! Why can't they give us one e-reader with all our school textbooks already on it? That way...I can ignore just one book instead of this whole stack!"

Personnel. The gap in my resume is when I got turned out on my back for six months.

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

Socially awkward shipwrecks.

Finishing school takes an unmannered girl and gets her going in the right direction. Ah, a "coarse correction"!

"I just feel like it's important NOT to make good eye contact when communicating."

'You rate very high in everything, except, of course, people skills.'

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

Assertiveness Training Institute: 'What are you looking at?'

"Just you wait 'till your father comes home!"

Cone of Silence

"He needs to work on his people skills."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

"I didn't make the Dean's list, but I made the Principal's list."

"I've never been in there. Most of my down-time is spent in the Principal's office."

"No, you may not request a change of venue."

My new year's resolution is to stop putting my foot in my mouth all the time

"I know that you haven't done much face to face work recently....But whatever they said on your 'refresher' course about the need to maintain eye contact....You are allowed to blink!"

"I'm looking for something that will keep people away from me on the subway."

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

"Would you prefer me to hover over you silently or awkwardly try to make small talk?"

"In addition to opting out of state testing, I've added an addendum, to my mom's note that allows me to opt out of Science, Phy Ed and anything resembling homework."