Social Philosopher Gifts

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

'I talk to myself because I'm the only one who LISTENS!'

"Maybe it's just me, but I always feel like I'm out of the picture."

'...But enough about me - what are your philosophical underpinnings?'

'Malcolm is unswayed by post-foundationalist trendiness.'

Friend Thy Neighbor

Love people...not things.

"The thing that troubles me the most is the disparity between the have-nots like me and the barely-have -anythings like you."

'I know just how you feel. Sometimes I think I'm living on the wrong planet too.'

'Quiet desperation -- that's the best kind.'

'Sure, but what if the melting pot boils OVER?'

'George, the Finch's are here. Could you please come out and be sociable?'

Fellow Man

The Ekert Saga: '...without pettiness, feah and greed, we wouldn't need lawyahs, news media or even a government...and megaconglomecorp owns and operates all of it...and, no, I don't know how you apply fah a job theah.'

'The Friend of Humanity and the Knife Grinder'

The Prisoner's Dilemma

"Smartphone sales" "Degradation of society"

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Aging Support Group

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"