Social Norms Rebel Gifts

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

Victorian woman at a bar.

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"It's very sensitive of you to realize that men like to get flowers!"

'It is Hyena. You said you wanted a fun fur.'

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

'-and stop saying 'who's carrying who over the threshold?''

A Woman Asking The Father's Permission To Marry His Son.

"I'm tired of being the cockroach you want me to be and not the cockroach I want to be."

"Sorry, these are saved."

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"You mind if I smoke?"

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

Sign Reads: Loiter At Your Own Risk.

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."