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'Yes, I know you sent me your photo before we met. But, I just assumed it was out of focus.'

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

'Mum, Dad, this is Archie - he's from the Internet.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

"My business is less bricks and mortar and more coffee shops and laptops. I sell NFTs."

'Unfortunately, our entirely Twitter and Facebook based business model was a little ahead of its time!'

"Thanks for that."

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

"I don't understand... I've scientifically proven that you were wrong. How can you still be mad at me?"

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

"Once we're all vaccinated, will you still want to spend every waking moment together?"

Meet the Blogger - 1-3 AM.

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."