Social Media Sparring Champion Pillows

"Twitter wars! Now that's for sissies!"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

City Marathon.

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

Like.

A dog poops an @ symbol.

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Just wait until you read my tweets."

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

Narcissism Clinic.

'One pundit tonight is from a think tank, the other writes 'Books for Dummies'.'

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

'What do you mean, 'you can read me like a book'? You've never read a book!'

"I've been thinking harder than you have, and my thought experiment disproves your thought experiment."

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

"Looks like mum's preparing to go on social media."

"School can be tricky. They give you text books that have NOTHING to do with texting!"

Online Agitation

"They were my friends until I raised a controversial issue on social media."

'Let's give him a couple more minutes, but it looks like we've got ourselves a bum who can't fight his way out of a paper bag.'

My Way - 2020

Chi Kick

'I just got a friend request from someone in the castle.'

'If only texting was an Olympic sport.'