Social Media Analysis Pillows

'Our analytics software has scoured social media and the internet to give you a list of the best lies to use!'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Lynching on social media

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

Moses on the web

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

CEO with SEO

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.