Social Media Pillows

"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."

The four housemen of procrastination

"Sorry, guess I didn't get the email, the DMs, the Snaps, the Facebook comments, the LinkedIn messages, or the TikTok duets."

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

You can't smell an online profile...

"hey fans! im at bat,. btm 9th, bases loaded, score tied--oops, jst got called strike1!"

"I just think it sends the wrong message."

Better Living Through Technology

#pythonlunch

'So I looked at your Facebook page...oh man...there's no way you're getting this job!'

"OMG! I just got born!"

"He's not in today. You can email, comment on his blog, tweet him, leave a voicemail or contact him on Facebook. I can't take a message. That's above my payscale."

"Do I need to remind you that I have a huge Internet following?"

'Think of an essay as a collection of tweets only joined together.'

'It's all her on your facebook page.'

"Just ignore it. It's click-bait."

The Ungooglable Man

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'I love our nights in together, just you, me and our 756 friends.'

'Gentlemen, our social media strategy is simple: the more time our marketeers spend on Twitter, the less harm they can do elsewhere.'

'My laundry just sent me a friend request.'

'Does your bird talk?'

Since college admissions officers might see his Facebook page...

The Government is now following you...

'I deplore the lack of internet privacy and so do 5,000 of my Facebook friends,'

Pacemakers.

Paranoia vs Social Currency.

'Sorry - I'd love to come out, but I'm busy updating my Facebook status.'

'This is interesting, 70% of respondents to our survey said they don't respond to surveys.'

'We've been spending too much time apart on our mobile devices, and we need some together time. Everybody log on to the family social media page.'

'You have a friend request.'

Phoney world view

'It's her own fault, she was texting at the time.'

'Facebook stock dropped on news that a psychologist said facebook friends are not real friends.'

"The National Weather Service is warning these areas to brace for what could be a crippling amount of Instagrammed snow photos."