Social Media Use Pillows

"I'd delete Facebook—But I really enjoy roasting landlords and their overpriced rentals."

You're still on that computer? I'm waiting for some rube to respond to my latest argument. Word of advice, Sadie: passion is wonderful. But when the object of your passion is not right in front of you, then thinking about it is an unhealthy obsession. That's why it's best to distract oneself with multiple passions and their best friends. Wait ... what? ... I mean multiple websites. Maybe I CAN'T be satisfied by just one endless online argument.

"It's been nearly twenty minutes since I totally over-reacted to something I read online."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Lynching on social media

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

Moses on the web

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

CEO with SEO

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"#Win!"

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.