Social Dynamics Guru Pillows

"Point your feet away from him-that means your're not interested."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

That party went well.

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

Most valuable element.

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"Call me!"

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Don't you hate...

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"Welcome."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

"I want to know why when I'm in a room people ignore me."

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

"People tell me I'm condescending...(That means I talk down to people....)."

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."