Social Dynamics Guru Gifts

"Point your feet away from him-that means your're not interested."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

That party went well.

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

Most valuable element.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"Call me!"

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

Don't you hate...

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"Welcome."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

"God help us, it's that guy."

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

"I want to know why when I'm in a room people ignore me."

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.