Social Conversationalist Gifts

"Enough about me. Let's talk about your prostate."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

A lesson in wit

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

Bla Bla Bla

"Stock photo, right?"

'How are you keeping?'