Social Commentarian Gifts

'The obesity epidemic is GREAT. If it carries on then in another TEN years I'll be AVERAGE weight!'

"When I grow up, I don't want to be a movie star."

'My husband says it would be better if I stayed at home to manage our household and raise the children... what an idiot! I didn't go to college to be just a housewife!'

Too proud to beg... Stick 'em up!

'In my day we were just morally bankrupt.'

"Social-distancing is pretty easy once you get the hang of it."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Support the Ex-Troops

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

Torturing the English Language

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Wifi in Hell

"You know, there are other emojis."

Press Freedom

The Cougher

The Working Woman's Magazine

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

Critisize your weight.

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

Our Two Parties, Explained

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.