Soccer Steward Pillows

"I always thought you blokes were supposed to be impartial."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Would you like some wings?"

Raheem Sterling

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'There was a time I thought humans were as smart as we are.'

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

"I think Bev is taking this social distancing thing a little too far."

'The trouble with living on a farm is there are too many things a child can do.'

"The loud engine might wake her up. Can you ask the pilot to turn it off?"

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'This is a collect call from 'THE CAPTAIN.' Do you accept all charges?'

"Goodbye old girl. They'll never issue another bag quite like you."

Referee's Free Kick Pack

'You wished to see the house red?'

'You know, you remind me of me when I first started here.'

'Quick! Page the flight deck, bring me oxygen, gloves, a mask and someone junior!'

'I think you should know, I put a piece on 'YourTube' praising your stewardship.'

'Happy New Year!'

A sign at a restaurant - Food left unattended will be eaten by the waiter.

Football Security

'Fitzroy, the sea is a bit too cold to swim in. Would you please go and get the immersion heater?'

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

I'll catch up to you --- I just need my second wind.

"Yea yea, I'm right around the corner!"

'If I could pick as many winners as he picks balls out of net - I'd be a rich man.'

Our Job Steward

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

Stadium usher of the month.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

'I don't think we have to worry about anyone stealing our St. Joseph's-bread wine glass idea.'

'In case of a sudden loss of cabin-pressure, please don the respective AFTER-LIFE costume located in the seat pocket in front of you..'

"There! Just like new!"

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."