Soccer Star With A Twist Gifts

Goalkeeper on a desert island.

Football Fans

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Football

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Ball as water-melon.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

'I think I've scored.'

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

Children playing football.

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

The Goalkeeper

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

A woman watches football on her computer.

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Soccer coach of the year.

Wilfried Zaha

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

Football player taking the ball home.

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

A scarecrow goalie

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'