Soccer Squad Enthusiast Gifts

"Look - after paying eight million quid for you, we couldn't afford a new strip."

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

The trauma of losing.

Football Chameleon

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Raheem Sterling

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Funky Facts: Football.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Ball as water-melon.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Egyptian Football

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

World Cup Fever

Centaur Forward

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Watching the football.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.