Soccer Parent Gifts

'Of course I bailed you out - you've got soccer tonight.'

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

'Wow. You are so lucky. My parents never go ballistic when I'm fouled and nothing is called.'

Had to run the kids to soccer. There's a can of microwave slop on the counter.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Baby Footballer

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

Soccer Moms

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'I think Kenny's finally accepted fatherhood - he said he was off to play football with the kids.'

It's just a bad bruise. Field hockey balls can do damage. We'll have the doctor take a quick look. Quick?! It's rush hour! We're moving fine. Just wait. It's the 4:45 pm fall sports traffic jam. Next # 147. The doctors are: In out in in.

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

Things Your Mother Would Never Let You Do Olympic Games

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

Another Rugby Star is Born.

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

"I am standing up straight."

"Dad and son playing with rugby ball. Son runs up to ball and kicks it. Ball hits dad in nose - nose starts bleeding."