Soapbox Storyteller Pillows

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

Ooooh! Someone got a carrot job! Someone got a carrot job!

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'

"Today we're going to talk about brainless reality TV."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"What Color Is Your Soapbox?"

Eastenders: This Programme Contains Bad Acting And One-Dimensional Characterisation

"I didn't exactly win it."

'I was warned about online dating.'

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

"I Preferred Season 3."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

Bird Watchers Club of America.

"Would you like to dance with me?"

"We ask for volunteers to pick up litter and chewing gum. We sell bombs to other countries. Who mops up the blood? Tell me that!"

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

"Always thought the Abominable Snowman would look a bit different"

'Let's play house... you can be my ex-husband.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

A discussion over a hunter's new horse.

Soap Box

"Now, who used this whole box of detergent?"

"You have no idea what I've been through."

'And this is Ginger, from my fourth marriage.'