Soap Satire Lover Pillows

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Vampire on a plane

David Niven caricature

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

'Madge! Desperate Housewives is on.'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Well, I can say if it wasn't for tragedy, I would not be here."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

"Wait! First, his attorney."

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

Woman and cats watching Nine Lives to Live.

Daytime TV For Nerds

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'