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"This should be an interesting case...it's a class action paternity suit!"

'Look, I know this show is terrible and you know it's terrible. Now, shut up so we watch it.'

'Is that true? - Did you tape over her soap opera?'

"Between my wrestling show and your telenovela we got a pretty good program!"

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

"Our telenovela will return after a word from our sponsor."

"I'm glad everyone is here! It's important that we keep these traditions alive...being together, sharing company, sharing love. The holidays are about the specialness..."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

When Tia Carmen says... "It is not only what we do that we are held responsible for, but also for what we do not do." it means...she's writing to the network asking that they not kill off her favorite telenovela character.

"Tia Carmen's answering service...can I help you? When will she be available? I'd say during the next commercial break in her telenovela."

"Baldo, I have a boyfriend. But we can be...friends."

Many Americans believe staying home to watch your favorite novela means your candidate will win.

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

'... And now for this week's episode of, 'the fallen arches'.'

'It was only when he ended their brief affair that Steven realised the full extent of Amelia's jealous nature...'

Dumped females complain on their mobiles

'Poor thing - she's muse to a TV soap writer.'

'What's wrong with soaps? They're only mindless escapism.'

Top South African soap: Neighboers.

'I know that it's her favourite serial, but I wish your mother would get her own TV repaired.'

"Wow, Super-Tia! You can watch five telenovelas at the same time!"

"Que tonteria! This says they're making Spanish telenovelas for American TV! How will the characters understand each other...if they're all talking in English!"

"Oh, ignore that, it's just the EastEnders title sequence."

We're not picking you up from field hockey. Take the late bus. Ok then. I'll get home at 8:30, miss dinner and have no time to study. I'll fail my classes, never get a job and live the rest of my life with you. Not true! You have a bright future as an extortionist. Or soap opera star!

My agent got me an audition for a part on "The Young and the Restless"! Well, since you're no longer young, I assume you'll be trying out for the part of "restless."

In the middle of a shoot-out

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Women's Bonnets Block the Audience View

'Einsteiners.'

Felix Mendelssohn

University Soapflakes

Deflator mouse

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"Bravo!"

Your tiny hand is frozen...