Soap Collectors Pillows

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

The Missing Sock Returns

"Honey! Where are my lucky Incredible Hulk board meeting socks?!?"

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"Kids these days and their piercings..."

Michael Jackson: The thriller of entertainment.

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

'I don't know about this new computer inventory system. It just ordered a thousand left handed four fingered surgical gloves.'

"You realize one of us is not coming back."

'Okay who swiped my bath toys?'

'I'm looking for a toothpaste that combats Tokyo, Kansas city and Suburban Portland along the gum line.'

'He got a hole in one today.'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

'Sure I said I love 'new car smell', but not as an aftershave.'

Has socks and foot stools of every kind sale.

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

Shaquille O'Neal donates his old socks to boy scouts.

So I used body soap to wash my face. Why is that so bad? Details matter. Pay attention to your surroundings. Face soap isn't body soap. Conditioner isn't shampoo. Moisturizer isn't hand lotion. If we're ever going to move in together and have a future you've got to pay attention to me and the nuances about my life. Conditioner isn't shampoo? I'm livid and you have stinky hair!

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

'This is where I keep my gum.'

"We're running a little late. The Mrs. is still putting on her face."

"Look, Gwen!...Beak warmers!"

"I said more sex, Barry, more SEX!"

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

"He's taken responsibility for all the missing socks from the last 50 years."

'I'm a jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

He's not going to say anything. He just likes to lick his glove.

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

"You might consider new socks as well."