Snobbery Sleuth T-Shirts

"I've taken a vow of chastity with guys living in poverty."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

$1: Family Secrets

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

Missing Easter Egg

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'New money or old money?'

Two men converse secretively

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

Conflicting Reports

I don't trust that guy.

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

The Banana Crime

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

'It looks fishy to me.'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

Reporter at a crime scene.

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'He's a mixed breed.'

Reporter #2: plant.

"We spent the summer on the Côte de Jersey."

"I won't be needed a new laptop as stated in my email. I've found one on top of my Mum's wardrobe."