Snobbery Sleuth T-Shirts

"I've taken a vow of chastity with guys living in poverty."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

$1: Family Secrets

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

Missing Easter Egg

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

'New money or old money?'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

Two men converse secretively

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

I don't trust that guy.

Conflicting Reports

The Banana Crime

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

Reporter at a crime scene.

'He's a mixed breed.'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

Reporter #2: plant.

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'It looks fishy to me.'

"We spent the summer on the Côte de Jersey."

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.