Snob Values Satire Fan Gifts

'Don't just gulp it down like that! Smell the bouquet, savour the flavour on your palate!'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Champagne at the hunt

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

Militant Pacifists

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

"I'm afraid it's the bankruptcy virus."

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these:

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

Surgical Self-Service