Snack Avoider T-Shirts

"I'm putting you on a skipping diet. . .Skip cakes and wine."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Honest Vending

Love is when you watch television together.

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Stupid Microwave

'Him' Watching the Game to Relax

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

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