Sms Samurai Pillows

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

Decapitated coffee.

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

"It was a little preachy."

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

'G-go ahead, F-Fred; p-pre-announce our disappointing 3rd quarter.'

Uncle Sam argues about pollution with China.

Modern Poetry: Text Message Haiku

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

How scrapbookers see progress. ('I've been scrapbooking for ten years and I've got two pages done already!' 'Wow, you're fast!')

"We're always ready to travel at a moment's notice."

'I'm sending you a text. . .how did people talk before sms messaging?'

The 24/7 Samurai

"I've just sent you a text, Ugg!"

"It's a club sandwich. It's like sushi but with bread."

'Sometimes I wish I was all thumbs, then I could text faster.'

"Plan B is to commit ritual suicide."

"No, 'tofu' isn't short for 'toe fungus'!"

"Typical !, You wait here ages for a samuri and then seven come all at once."

How Polar Bears communicate.

Boss, I need to go home, I have an awful toothache. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. It's like someone's stabbing me in the face with a Samurai sword. Oh, that's not that bad. Let me know when it feels more like a Ninja sword. I'm not sure there's a difference. Apparently you can focus just fine.

Air Vent

'And the Mannies goes to . . . Dan Danielson for successfully carrying 17 bags of groceries in one trip.'

Shopping List

'Bad news, Cobley, your salary's been dumbed down.'

Operating Instructions: 1) Grasp railing firmly with left hand. 2) Place right foot on nearest step. (directions for climbing stairs)

101 uses of a dead cat: samurai armour.

Text message: 'Can't pay my cell phone bill anymore. Please help.'