Smooth Page-turner Pillows

'I don't believe this, he's reading a book.'

You've read the book's dust jacket. Now, play the video game!

'It's not meant to be a fold up bike, but the truck driver I held up for seven miles thought otherwise.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"What would you recommend to hold a seven-year-old girl's attention in a car from East Seventy-eighth Street to Bridgehampton?"

Reading

Bibliomaniac

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"It was so noisy in there - all those pages turning."

"I read an unforgettable book! Unfortunately, I don't remember the title and the author..."

Roald Dahl's books updated for modern sensitivities.

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'

Man hospitalized and in a full body cast is reading bedtime stories.

'TV on the blink?'

'I have high hopes of Wisden knocking the Da Vinci code off the top of the best sellers list.'

"I sort of imagined with a live reading, he'd be reading out loud."

Books: Meet the Guy Who Sells the Books

"For a second there I thought I heard a page turn, as if someone was actually reading a book. Must be repressed memories from the old days."

Writer's block

'Couldn't finish it. I got reader's block.'

Best Sellers/New Release/Books You Still Haven't Finished Yet Claire

"Can we just wait until they make the film?"

"Have you got a thrilling, magnificent saga that can also teach me how to make a bundle in real estate with no money down?"

Books a Lot

"I don't care, I'm on the last page."

Coffee-table kids' books

Pulp fiction on bookshelf dripping into bucket.