Smoke Swapper Pillows

"Say - this electronic bourbon isn't bad."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

Christmas tree exchange

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

Wha about trying another antivirus?

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

'I'm coping.'

'Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!'

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

"I'm ready to switch"

'We'll leave the corn alone if you never tell that dumb story about Dorothy and Toto again.'

Psychiatry. Oops, it 3:17, time for me to switch chairs!

'I think sugar substitutes are fattening. Have you noticed that people who use them are usually overweight?'

'How would you have played that last ball?'

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

'I'm doing a 'pet swap'.'

"I think the tags got switched on our presents."

We'll drive to Chicago, change cars, drive to Atlanta, change cars, drive to St. Louis, change cars, then we'll drive to Orlando. Car trips with airline managers.

"I'm trying to quit Twitter."

'Would that make you feel better?'

Owls whoo work different shifts...'Days!'...'Swings!'...'Nights!'

"I always enjoy our talks."

'So, you'd like to change your name from John to David?... Okay, that shouldn't be a problem Mr. Plonker.'

'Hello. I'm Willy. Tommy and I have exchanged homes.'