Smelling Good Pillows

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

Cariactures

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Aromatherapy for Men

'Do you mind!!?'

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

'Hey, if you use your imagination a little, doesn't that group of people look like a gathering cumulus?'

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

'I have a thing about Italian food-my wife has a thing about Italian waiters !'

"That? - Oh, along about his fourth beer, Old Cunningham, there, usually starts singing 'Greensleeves.'"

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

You Know You're Old When...

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

The successful rubbernecker...

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Victorian Pub Scene

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."