Smelling Good Pillows

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Cariactures

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'Who gets the decaf?'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

Aromatherapy for Men

'Do you mind!!?'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

'Hey, if you use your imagination a little, doesn't that group of people look like a gathering cumulus?'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

You Know You're Old When...

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I have a thing about Italian food-my wife has a thing about Italian waiters !'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

The successful rubbernecker...

"That? - Oh, along about his fourth beer, Old Cunningham, there, usually starts singing 'Greensleeves.'"

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

Victorian Pub Scene